Pornography: The Third Wheel
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Pornography: The Third Wheel
Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter are peppered with “the happy couple”. Captions filled with heart-eyed emojis and I-love-yous are paired with pictures of couples kissing, embracing, and holding hands. Smiles are pasted on and facades are created to portray the ideal relationship. But what Instagram doesn’t show is the “third-wheel” that constantly accompanies this “happy couple” on their long walks on the beach, exquisite dinners, and romantic date nights.
This third-wheel is Pornography.
Oxford living dictionary defines pornography as “printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement” (Oxford Dictionaries). Culture today teaches that pornography is a normal and an acceptable part of growing up. In fact, viewing pornography is culturally understood to help in the sexual development of emerging teens and young adults. Pornography is glorified in movies, TV shows, books, and the internet and not meagerly so. Actually, 12% of all internet websites are pornographic (Conrad). As pornography increases in quantity the viewers also increase. In fact, 70% of young men between the ages of 18-24 visit porn sites in a regular month (Conrad). While 17% women are also frequent viewers of pornography (Conrad), the quantity of men that participate in the viewing of pornography is far larger and thus causes the larger effect. This paper primarily focuses on the problem of pornography in relation to male viewers despite the knowledge of female addiction precisely for the magnitude of the male population involved with pornography.
While pornography becomes a growing industry, the effects become more evident. Some may argue that pornography is a healthy and essential part of growing up and finding sexual satisfaction. However, others find that pornography is damaging. Although pornography is often culturally viewed as having few lasting effects, both for the addict and those close to him, pornography is actually harmful both to the viewer and their relationships; pornography decreases gray matter in the brain,affects female self-esteem, promotes rape culture, leads to manipulative personality traits, diminishes commitment levels, and causes higher rates of infidelity .
Myth 1: Pornography Has No Real Effects on the Brain
It is commonly understood that pornography is harmless because it is not an actual substance addiction and simply involves viewing pictures and videos. The internet, specifically as a platform for pornography, has not been a part of society long enough to truly see all the effects, especially long term, that pornography can have on the human brain. Even PhD David J. Ley claims that “tests of sexual addiction had no connection with the neural findings” (Ley). However, several studies have been conducted that do show a correlation to brain activity or emotional disorders with pornography addictions.
Michael E. Levin from the University of Reno Nevada and his associates recently conducted a study testing the correlation between pornography and psychological problems. The study was conducted by asking 157 undergraduate males to complete an anonymous online survey. This survey asked about frequency of viewing pornography and then about depression, anxiety, and familial relationships. The results declared: “Regression analyses found viewing to be significantly related to greater viewing problems, depression, anxiety, and stress as well as poorer social functioning” (Levin et al. 175). Levin declared that either the urge to view pornography came from depression and anxiety issues or the actual viewing of pornography causes depression and anxiety (177). The point is that young men may have exacerbated cases of psychological issues due to their viewing of pornography. To add to the discussion, Brent Conrad from techaddiction.com says, “Severe clinical depression was reported twice as frequently among internet pornography users compared to non-users” (Conrad). The connection between pornography and psychological health is evident. While it is unsure whether pornography actually causes depression and anxiety, it is clear that it is not helping the situation. The plague of pornography is infesting our homes, schools, towns, and countries and we barely even recognize the psychological correlations.
However, the plague does not stop there. Pornography has also been found to shrink the brain. According to a 2014 study in the journal JAMA Psychiatry, “Men who regularly consume porn had smaller brain volume and fewer connections in the striatum, a brain region tied to reward processing, compared with those who didn't view porn” (Ghose). Pornography literally leads to the shrinking of the satisfaction portion of our brain. This causes similar effects as alcohol or depression. This means that the user needs more and more of the substance in order to satisfy their needs. This is, in fact, classified as addiction.
Additionally, a recent investigation shows that there was less gray matter in the brains of pornography viewers. Simone Kühn, PhD and Jürgen Gallinat, PhD conducted a study in which 64 males with frequent pornography habits had their brains scanned. It was discovered that those who viewed more pornography had lower levels of gray matter especially in the right caudate of the striatum (Kühn and Gallinat 832). As stated by the researchers themselves, “the frequent brain activation caused by pornography exposure might lead to wearing and downregulation of the underlying brain structure, as well as function, and a higher need for external stimulation of the reward system . . .” (Kühn and Gallinat 833). This gray matter helps with memory, skills, and abilities. Considering that the brain is the control center for the entire body, this discovery causes for concern. While many refuse to believe that pornography actually affects their mental capacity, the data shows otherwise.
Myth 2: A Young Man’s Pornography Addiction Does Not Affect His Girlfriend
With a click of a mouse, a strike of a keyboard, and a tap of the finger on a tiny glowing screen, pornography can be accessed in a matter of seconds in any place with internet access. With a vast variety of access tools, pornography is easy and convenient. Personal devices cause the idea of privacy to encompass a larger variety of activities including pornography. Young adults often become susceptible to the snares of pornography as they have a newfound privacy when living away from home for the first time (Olmstead). This idea of privacy leads pornography viewers to believe that the effects of pornography are also private and personal with no real effect on those with whom they associate.
However, evidence shows that pornography has large effects on female partners in romantic relationships. In a recent study scientists Destin Stewart and Dawn Szymanski researched the correlations between female self-esteem and their partner’s pornography use. The study was performed through the process of various online surveys given to females at a southern university in the United States which asked about the frequency of pornography use of their partner, self-esteem perception, and the length of the relationship. It was discovered that females who had been in a relationship with frequent pornography users had a lower overall self-esteem (Stewart and Szymanski). An anonymous young woman commented,
When I think of the comparison [between my body and the bodies my boyfriend sees], I pull away just a bit when he holds me. Does he see the blemishes of my skin in this light? Can he see the crease in my stomach when I lie this way? Is he looking at my hips and wishing they were more like hers? Or hers? Or hers? (fightthenewdrug.com)
Porn models are far from the female body reality (especially with added effects such as photoshop and airbrush); female partners begin to question if they measure up to the perfect bodies their boyfriends frequently view. Megan Maas in the McNair Scholars Journal states, “[The girlfriends of pornography viewers] exhibit almost identical behaviors and emotions as someone who experiences infidelity in a relationship” (Maas 144). This is a phenomenon known as pornography distress and can causes feelings of insecurity in romantic relationships. According to scientists Destin Stewart and Dawn Szymanski, females in a relationship with a pornography viewer “reported that their male partners’ pornography viewing made them feel sexually undesirable” (Stewart and Szymanski). Through comparison to the unrealistic porn models, females begin to doubt their ability to satisfy their partners which leads to low self-esteem.
However, low self-esteem is not the only evidence that pornography affects more than just addicts. It has been reported that rape culture is exacerbated by pornography use. It was found that more pornography use caused men to have more positive attitudes toward sexual aggression (Garcia as cited by Maas 139). In fact, pornography can even be used in the planning of sexual crime. Andrea Dworkin, an American feminist of the 1980s declared, “Pornography is used in rape一to plan it, to execute it, to choreograph it, to engender the excitement to commit the act” (Frado 106). In the 1980s, rape was interpreted differently than it is now. However, Dworkin’s remarks still ring true even with the redefinition of rape and sexual violence. Now, sexual crime can still occur even though the victim does not say “no”, even if she decides to go home with him, and even when the victim’s clothing is provocative in nature. The truth is that pornography has desensitized viewers so that “no” does not make a difference in their actions.
Additionally, pornography changes the way that young adult men interact with female partners. According to a study by the Journal of Sex Research, young men who were asked to abstain from pornography for three weeks were found to have a “lower rate of ‘delay discounting,’ meaning they were willing to wait longer for a reward” (Ghose). As young men have lessened delay discount ability, it can lead to manipulative tendencies in order to get what they want when they want it. Patience to wait for a reward is nullified and manipulation becomes the “necessary” tool. In correlation with manipulation, Kirsten Weir from apa.com reported, pornography causes a reaction for more secrecy (Weir). Apart from keeping pornography addictions secret comes the need to keep other parts of the relationship secret leading to spacey communication and broken trust.
Myth 3: Pornography Can Be Used to Enhance Sexuality in Relationships
In the recent study conducted by Olmstead, young adults communicated how they viewed the usage of pornography in relationships. The results match the overall statistics of pornography. Considering 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet every second (webroot.com), it is not surprising that a majority of young adults in Olmstead’s study reported that pornography in a relationship was not cause for concern. As expressed by a 22-year-old woman, ‘‘I don’t feel like viewing sexually explicit materials is a big deal at all. Whether in a relationship or not, alone or together, I think it is fine. It may even enhance some relationships in a positive manner!” (Olmstead 628). This opinion is not uncommon among young adults. In fact, young adults find it healthy to include pornography in romantic relationships.
Young Adults are not alone in their beliefs. Candida Royalle from the New York Times reports, “Counselors sometimes suggest it to help people become comfortable with a particular fantasy they or their partner may have. Pornography can reboot a couple’s sex life. It can give you ideas, or help you get in touch with what turns you on” (Royalle). Pornography supporters claim that while pornography can be harmful to certain types of people (those with low self-esteem or with clinical depression), it can be beneficial to couples who need a catalyst for sexual intimacy.
However, Matt Frado in his book “The Porn Myth” argues otherwise. The Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology conducted a study consisting of two groups: one group that was asked to give up favorite foods for three weeks while the other group was asked to give up pornography for three weeks. The results showed that those that gave up pornography had an increase in commitment in their relationships (Frado 154). This may be due to the fact that those that watch pornography lose a sense of emotional connection because their sexual desire is fulfilled through fantasy. Sex is designed not just for procreation and sexual pleasure but also for increased intimate connection between partners. When there is no intimate connection linked to sexual pleasure overtime, the draw to intimate connection is lost. The connection through sexual intimacy is warped when pornography is included in a relationship.
As a matter of fact, pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate by more than 300% (webroot.com). Pornography makes extramarital relationships (or non-committed relationships of any kind whether in or outside of marriage) seem appealing, exciting, and acceptable. The more pornography is consumed, the more a person is dulled into this mindset. According to Psychology Today, “. . . [a study] showed that, over time, exposure to porn was a robust predictor of infidelity” (Streep). It has been reported that married Americans who began viewing pornography regularly were roughly twice as likely to be divorced due to infidelity (Vedantam). This connection to infidelity may be due to the lack of emotional intimacy associated with pornography. To expound upon the matter, Matt Frado quotes Luke Gilkerson when he says,
Compare the enjoyment of a fine candlelight dinner to a sub-par, all-you-can-eat buffet with food that’s been under the warmers for five hours. If a person chooses the buffet over the candlelight dinner, it is not because the food is actually better. It is because at the buffet he gets variety, volume, novelty, and convenience. This is what draws men to porn over pursuing an intimate relationship . . . they want a variety of women, they want to binge, they want novel fantasy experiences, and they don’t want the inconvenience of coordinating with another person’s sexual desires and wants. It is sexual gluttony at its worst. (Frado 148)
Pornography is not a matter of need for emotional connection but for sex in large and unique quantities. The need for sexual stimulation only increases as the frequency of pornography interaction increases. The heightened need for sexual stimulation causes men to seek it not only online but in persons other than their wives or girlfriends.
Later in Matt Frado’s book, he explains Dr. Norman Doige’s findings on the human brain in regards to pornography: there are two systems involving pleasure in our brains. The first is for the excitement of pleasure and the other is for the satisfaction of it. Dopamine is the chemical in our brains that leads to the excitement of pleasure; it focuses our attention and stirs our anticipation (when we are imagining the events of an upcoming vacation, for example). The satisfying part of the brain involves the action-- like getting on the plane and leaving for the vacation (Frado 149). The problem with pornography is there is no satisfaction included with the anticipation: there is no physical touching, kissing, or connecting. With continued elimination of the satisfactory step it causes the step to become obsolete in real relationships (149). The relationship may become meaningless due to the lack of emotional connection.
Conclusion
Society has “pornified” our culture. We are becoming desensitized to pornography and its effects due to the magnitude of pornographic access. This has caused a myriad of myths regarding pornography to pollute our culture. While pornography may be thought of as a positive tool in modern society, the facts prove otherwise. Pornography hurts people’s romantic relationships through the encouragement of rape culture, increased disposition of manipulative personality traits, destruction of commitment levels, and increased tendency of infidelity. However, pornography is not limited to outer effects but also has lasting effects on the brain.
Oftentimes pornography addicts feel they can never recover from their addiction because of the lasting effects. However, there is hope. There are many programs that allow relief from the effects of pornography addiction and help to overcome it. Couples can even work together to overcome the web of pornography. With the trap that pornography can be, it is important to encourage our brothers, sons, friends, and neighbors to refrain from the myths that society portrays. As we create distance between the pornographic world and ourselves, relationships will be healthier and more fulfilling. Pornography does not have to be the third wheel because we have the choice.
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